He gives and takes away

There is a song that is running through my head, has been all day. Its by Matt Redman called "Blessed be the Name of the Lord". The part that is touching my heart the most is based off of Job 1:21. This verse is at the end of a brutal chapter in the Bible where Job has lost his possesions and his servants, then he loses his children... all of them, on top of that his health is taken away as well. Pretty tragic. But then he is quoted as saying
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.[c]
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.” (Job 1:21 NIV)
And it goes on to say that in all of this he did not sin by blaming God for his losses.
I've always admired this and thought "well, Job's just a good guy, of course he didn't blame God". Now I don't think there is any "of course" about it.
Last week I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive. C and I were so excited, we had been trying for a while and even were taking medicine to help conceive and it finally worked! I eagerly waited for pregnancy symptoms to develope and while I did get tired and some food wasn't settling well, I never felt very pregnant. So of course my fears kicked in. Then last night my worst fear came true... I started spotting.
Ok, I know many ladies have spotting and go on to have perfectly healthy children and I knew that there was nothing I could do last night so I waited till this morning to check again. I was still spotting. I took my BBT and it was low. I took another pregnancy test and while a second line was faintly there it was fainter than the one from last week. And the spotting continued... continues.
I called the nurse and she sent me to get my HcG levels checked at the hospital. I sat there waiting pretty calmly, composedly. That is until at the end of admissions the clerk asks, with a bright happy smile, "When's your baby due?" As I stand up I tell her I am afraid I am losing my baby, the smile falters and the apologies start coming but I am leaving as quick as I can so I don't break down in front of a bunch of people.
So now, I don't think I am blaming God, I don't want to anyway. A friend wrote a song talking about how she never wanted to be God before but now that He is holding her little baby she never got to hold she wants to be Him for just a while. This song too keeps coming up in my mind.
I don't know the results of the labwork yet, I am still hoping that this will just be a story in my pregnancy journal showing the miracle my child is. But either way, my desire is that this is my response:

"My soul will choose to say:
Lord, blessed by your name."

It finally happened!

As I have mentioned I deal with infertility. I am insulin resistant and because of that I don't ovulate consistantly. We receive assistance via Clomid to "make" me ovulate which doesn't guarantee I'll ovulate. Well, on the 10th I had labwork done to check and see if I ovulated. The nurse called back the next day saying they needed to redraw, so I went back the next day for a redraw. The next day (Friday) they call and say the level is too low, can we redraw on Monday. I almost freak out but I know from taking my BBT (Basel Body Tempurature) that I did ovulate. By the next Thursday I still hadn't heard from the doctor's office which I take to be a good sign. Friday morning I woke up at 5 am needing to go to the bathroom (4th day in a row), blurry eyed I took a pregnancy test. After waiting for the mandatory 3 minutes I looked at the test and saw TWO lines! I was wide awake at that point. I went back to bed and laid there waiting for C to wake up. Around 6 I started to get antsy so I started moving around. When he finally opened his eyes around 6:10 I looked at him and said "Good morning Daddy, are you ready for another?" He mumbled something and started to roll over, stopped, looked at me smiling and asked what I meant.
So after 13 months of TTC, 7 months with the doctor's assistance, 6 rounds of Clomid I am finally pregnant!

Potty Training.

So Baby Bubby has been showing some signs that he may be getting ready to start potty training, you know, going to hide when he goes poo, becoming increasingly curious about C or I using the restroom.
So, we will be getting a potty chair soon and start to talk even more about going potty and being a "big boy" using a potty. We haven't decided yet whether to try for a all in one day method or more of a gradual method.