Fighting Sleep

I am holding Connor right now. This wouldn't be odd except that he should be sleeping and I should be doing laundry. Connor doesn't usually fight sleep. I typically lay him down for sleep and walk away. He may fuss for a little bit but no more than five minutes. If he doesn't go to sleep right away he will lay there and look at his hands. We had a long weekend at Grandma's and he wasn't quite on a schedule there, today we are recovering and he had been sleeping really well as he is so tired. I know that he is tired and should sleep, he knows he is tired but is fighting sleep. He doesn't know what he needs just what he wants.
Funny, I am like that too at times. Not only do I fight sleep at times when I know I need it, but I also fight other things even though I need them too. How often does God hold me in His arms knowing what I need and just watching me do what I want to do fighting what I need, be it resting in Him, trusting that He is in control, or even that I physically need to go to sleep.
Having some fight in you is a good thing. I know a little girl who fought to live, now she is 7 years old and doing well. But at times the same fight that can save our life physically or spiritually can keep us from what is good. Yet another case of our biggest assets being our greatest weaknesses.
Now Connor has finally gone to sleep, worn out from fighting it, but it is not a restful sleep. He is stirring, sucking on his pacifier and doesn't want to be put down. You see he may be asleep but he didn't willingly give in to it. He is only asleep because his little body has given up. How many times have I finally given in to what God has in store only because I didn't have a choice not because I actually wanted to.
So for now, I am learning lessons in life by watching my son.