There is a song that is running through my head, has been all day. Its by Matt Redman called "Blessed be the Name of the Lord". The part that is touching my heart the most is based off of Job 1:21. This verse is at the end of a brutal chapter in the Bible where Job has lost his possesions and his servants, then he loses his children... all of them, on top of that his health is taken away as well. Pretty tragic. But then he is quoted as saying
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.[c]
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.” (Job 1:21 NIV)
And it goes on to say that in all of this he did not sin by blaming God for his losses.
I've always admired this and thought "well, Job's just a good guy, of course he didn't blame God". Now I don't think there is any "of course" about it.
Last week I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive. C and I were so excited, we had been trying for a while and even were taking medicine to help conceive and it finally worked! I eagerly waited for pregnancy symptoms to develope and while I did get tired and some food wasn't settling well, I never felt very pregnant. So of course my fears kicked in. Then last night my worst fear came true... I started spotting.
Ok, I know many ladies have spotting and go on to have perfectly healthy children and I knew that there was nothing I could do last night so I waited till this morning to check again. I was still spotting. I took my BBT and it was low. I took another pregnancy test and while a second line was faintly there it was fainter than the one from last week. And the spotting continued... continues.
I called the nurse and she sent me to get my HcG levels checked at the hospital. I sat there waiting pretty calmly, composedly. That is until at the end of admissions the clerk asks, with a bright happy smile, "When's your baby due?" As I stand up I tell her I am afraid I am losing my baby, the smile falters and the apologies start coming but I am leaving as quick as I can so I don't break down in front of a bunch of people.
So now, I don't think I am blaming God, I don't want to anyway. A friend wrote a song talking about how she never wanted to be God before but now that He is holding her little baby she never got to hold she wants to be Him for just a while. This song too keeps coming up in my mind.
I don't know the results of the labwork yet, I am still hoping that this will just be a story in my pregnancy journal showing the miracle my child is. But either way, my desire is that this is my response:
"My soul will choose to say:
Lord, blessed by your name."
About Me
- Kathie
- Life is ever changing. Each new day offers new challenges, opportunities, and blessings; the question is now what are we going to do with all that life offers.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
It finally happened!
As I have mentioned I deal with infertility. I am insulin resistant and because of that I don't ovulate consistantly. We receive assistance via Clomid to "make" me ovulate which doesn't guarantee I'll ovulate. Well, on the 10th I had labwork done to check and see if I ovulated. The nurse called back the next day saying they needed to redraw, so I went back the next day for a redraw. The next day (Friday) they call and say the level is too low, can we redraw on Monday. I almost freak out but I know from taking my BBT (Basel Body Tempurature) that I did ovulate. By the next Thursday I still hadn't heard from the doctor's office which I take to be a good sign. Friday morning I woke up at 5 am needing to go to the bathroom (4th day in a row), blurry eyed I took a pregnancy test. After waiting for the mandatory 3 minutes I looked at the test and saw TWO lines! I was wide awake at that point. I went back to bed and laid there waiting for C to wake up. Around 6 I started to get antsy so I started moving around. When he finally opened his eyes around 6:10 I looked at him and said "Good morning Daddy, are you ready for another?" He mumbled something and started to roll over, stopped, looked at me smiling and asked what I meant.
So after 13 months of TTC, 7 months with the doctor's assistance, 6 rounds of Clomid I am finally pregnant!
So after 13 months of TTC, 7 months with the doctor's assistance, 6 rounds of Clomid I am finally pregnant!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Potty Training.
So Baby Bubby has been showing some signs that he may be getting ready to start potty training, you know, going to hide when he goes poo, becoming increasingly curious about C or I using the restroom.
So, we will be getting a potty chair soon and start to talk even more about going potty and being a "big boy" using a potty. We haven't decided yet whether to try for a all in one day method or more of a gradual method.
So, we will be getting a potty chair soon and start to talk even more about going potty and being a "big boy" using a potty. We haven't decided yet whether to try for a all in one day method or more of a gradual method.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Trying for #2
This is a very sensitive subject that I actually like to talk about. It has changed how I view so many things.
Life offers many challenges. Some are easier to deal with than others. One challenge that I have found to be just about the most difficult challenge I have ever faced was trying to conceive Bubby. I may post more details later but for now the short version. It took us 2 years 10 months of actively trying to conceive (TTC) for us to finally conceive. After some heartache and disappointment under the care of one physician we took a break from ttc for a couple months when we went to a new doctor. Within one cycle we had a diagnosis, a treatment plan, and a plan towards conception. It took 10 months of metformin, and three months of Clomid and finally that wonderful Friday morning when I finally saw TWO pink lines!
Pregnancy treated me well (possibly more on that as well as there were some crazy things too). Labor and delivery was surprisingly good, and motherhood is the best thing ever! I should be content right?
Well, Bubby is 18 months old now and we have been trying for... 10 months. We've already done four rounds of Clomid and now I am just waiting to see if this cycle worked for us. I've learned a lot since the early days of ttc and struggling with infertility, I've grown up a lot and trust God more now too. While we are actively ttc and each time it is apparent I'm not preggo C and I both are sad, we are at peace and trust that God has a good plan for us and our little family.
So now, we keep going, keep living life, keep loving Bubby, keep loving each other, and keep trusting God.
Life offers many challenges. Some are easier to deal with than others. One challenge that I have found to be just about the most difficult challenge I have ever faced was trying to conceive Bubby. I may post more details later but for now the short version. It took us 2 years 10 months of actively trying to conceive (TTC) for us to finally conceive. After some heartache and disappointment under the care of one physician we took a break from ttc for a couple months when we went to a new doctor. Within one cycle we had a diagnosis, a treatment plan, and a plan towards conception. It took 10 months of metformin, and three months of Clomid and finally that wonderful Friday morning when I finally saw TWO pink lines!
Pregnancy treated me well (possibly more on that as well as there were some crazy things too). Labor and delivery was surprisingly good, and motherhood is the best thing ever! I should be content right?
Well, Bubby is 18 months old now and we have been trying for... 10 months. We've already done four rounds of Clomid and now I am just waiting to see if this cycle worked for us. I've learned a lot since the early days of ttc and struggling with infertility, I've grown up a lot and trust God more now too. While we are actively ttc and each time it is apparent I'm not preggo C and I both are sad, we are at peace and trust that God has a good plan for us and our little family.
So now, we keep going, keep living life, keep loving Bubby, keep loving each other, and keep trusting God.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
A year in review
It has been over a year since I last posted. A long year that offered many challenges and changes.
Finances determined that I needed to go back to work. After working two long months at a fast food restaurant I got a job as an administrative assistant for an electrical contractor. Now we are doing well.
C has been given a raise in order to get internet at the house... and he has earned it as well. His boss is pleased with his work and the income he is bringing to the company.
Bubby isn't a baby anymore. He has been walking for almost 10 months already, he's climbing, tormenting the cats, and exploring all that life has to offer.
I do not have much time for crafting, photography, sewing, etc. That is as of yet, but, soon I am determined to add some creativity here. Also some stories of adventures with Bubby.
Oh, yes, we moved to a new, better house. It is lower in cost about $100 to $150 a month and we all love it.
Finances determined that I needed to go back to work. After working two long months at a fast food restaurant I got a job as an administrative assistant for an electrical contractor. Now we are doing well.
C has been given a raise in order to get internet at the house... and he has earned it as well. His boss is pleased with his work and the income he is bringing to the company.
Bubby isn't a baby anymore. He has been walking for almost 10 months already, he's climbing, tormenting the cats, and exploring all that life has to offer.
I do not have much time for crafting, photography, sewing, etc. That is as of yet, but, soon I am determined to add some creativity here. Also some stories of adventures with Bubby.
Oh, yes, we moved to a new, better house. It is lower in cost about $100 to $150 a month and we all love it.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
The Pincer Grasp
So I had no idea what the pincer grasp was until about 2 months ago when I started to look at what signs to look for before feeding solids to a baby. The first "grasp" a baby does is a raking kind where they use all their fingers to get something. The pincer grasp is where they actually use their thumb and first finger to pick something up or hold it.
Well two things have happened this week that have completely surprised me. First Sunday at church Bubby started to grab at his bottle. We don't do bottles often so this was totally unexpected by me. I decided to just see what he did with it and well, he held it in his own mouth for quite a while. I was pleased as pie, it even overshadowed me hitting the guy sitting next to me with the bottle lid when I "popped" it off the bottle.
Also, this last weekend C told me that Bubby uses a pincer grasp at times. I didn't believe him. I should have. I went to check on Bubbs during his nap Tuesday morning and he had spit his paci out as is usual for him. He started to stir a bit later and when I got to the crib to check on him again he had put the paci in his mouth and gone back to sleep! So we have been playing a game this week where I hold his paci out in front of him and he grabs it and tries to put it in his mouth. He has won the game a couple of times.
I am pretty sure he will be rolling over soon as he will almost bend over backwards to look at his mobile or his daddy and I when we look in his crib. He can also sit by himself for almost five seconds. He is an amazing kid!
Well two things have happened this week that have completely surprised me. First Sunday at church Bubby started to grab at his bottle. We don't do bottles often so this was totally unexpected by me. I decided to just see what he did with it and well, he held it in his own mouth for quite a while. I was pleased as pie, it even overshadowed me hitting the guy sitting next to me with the bottle lid when I "popped" it off the bottle.
Also, this last weekend C told me that Bubby uses a pincer grasp at times. I didn't believe him. I should have. I went to check on Bubbs during his nap Tuesday morning and he had spit his paci out as is usual for him. He started to stir a bit later and when I got to the crib to check on him again he had put the paci in his mouth and gone back to sleep! So we have been playing a game this week where I hold his paci out in front of him and he grabs it and tries to put it in his mouth. He has won the game a couple of times.
I am pretty sure he will be rolling over soon as he will almost bend over backwards to look at his mobile or his daddy and I when we look in his crib. He can also sit by himself for almost five seconds. He is an amazing kid!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Dreams
There really is no theme to this blog yet. When one comes out I will probably have to start a new one for that theme as I enjoy having a place to write about the "new" twists life is offering. So, for today the topic on my mind is dreams.
For several days I have been having dreams. Dreams in and of themselves are not odd for me to have but dreams that I can remember days later... those I pay attention to. Sometimes I chalk the dream up to pizza (or almost a whole tub of popcorn) or to getting too hot at night. Dreams that happen under those circumstances are generally pretty interesting, usually have slightly scary aspects and in general I don't like very much.
Since last Thursday I have been having dreams that have their "pizza" quality but each night there is one thing that each has in common and those parts I can remember past C, my little alarm clock, waking me up. In each dream I have been part of a team of musicians leading worship in a large venue. In none of the dreams have I seen the congregation, just the team. And in each team there has been a combination of people that I would never expect to see; they are from several churches I have gone to and from different generations. For the last 20 years I have gone to 4 churches and served on the worship teams in each of them so I know these people in my dreams.
I am not entirely sure but I think this is happening in response to a prayer I pray and a desire to serve a worship team and with a worship team. Just recently I have been asking God to help me help the current worship team I am joining at Life Church. I don't know everything, I don't have all the answers, but I do have some experience and some desire and with those things I want to serve and try to help better this team and the situation we are in equipment wise. I think these dreams are happening in response to a thought I have had where I have tried to quiet the sound technician in me so that I can "just" be a singer and frankly, it is just about impossible if not completely impossible.
Finally, I think this may be happening in response to a desire that has woken up in me the last 7 or so months to see what worship will be like in heaven. I had a dream about a dance that had hundreds of people in it each doing their own dance but if you looked at them all together the dances worked together. Similarly, in my recent dreams many members of many teams are coming together and together directing worship to God Almighty. I think I may be getting a glimpse of what worship will be like in heaven. I think we should be trying to work towards that here on earth. I think this may be some of my most exciting dreams yet... despite the pizza parts.
For several days I have been having dreams. Dreams in and of themselves are not odd for me to have but dreams that I can remember days later... those I pay attention to. Sometimes I chalk the dream up to pizza (or almost a whole tub of popcorn) or to getting too hot at night. Dreams that happen under those circumstances are generally pretty interesting, usually have slightly scary aspects and in general I don't like very much.
Since last Thursday I have been having dreams that have their "pizza" quality but each night there is one thing that each has in common and those parts I can remember past C, my little alarm clock, waking me up. In each dream I have been part of a team of musicians leading worship in a large venue. In none of the dreams have I seen the congregation, just the team. And in each team there has been a combination of people that I would never expect to see; they are from several churches I have gone to and from different generations. For the last 20 years I have gone to 4 churches and served on the worship teams in each of them so I know these people in my dreams.
I am not entirely sure but I think this is happening in response to a prayer I pray and a desire to serve a worship team and with a worship team. Just recently I have been asking God to help me help the current worship team I am joining at Life Church. I don't know everything, I don't have all the answers, but I do have some experience and some desire and with those things I want to serve and try to help better this team and the situation we are in equipment wise. I think these dreams are happening in response to a thought I have had where I have tried to quiet the sound technician in me so that I can "just" be a singer and frankly, it is just about impossible if not completely impossible.
Finally, I think this may be happening in response to a desire that has woken up in me the last 7 or so months to see what worship will be like in heaven. I had a dream about a dance that had hundreds of people in it each doing their own dance but if you looked at them all together the dances worked together. Similarly, in my recent dreams many members of many teams are coming together and together directing worship to God Almighty. I think I may be getting a glimpse of what worship will be like in heaven. I think we should be trying to work towards that here on earth. I think this may be some of my most exciting dreams yet... despite the pizza parts.
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